If there any Seagal fans out there that like this genre of garbage, I'll apologize for the upcoming observations that make one of his movies just as boring and redundant as the last one he produced.
Observation:
1: Steven Seagal has starred in or co-starred in 43 movies. Of those movies he has produced or help produce 39 of those movies.
2: Steven Seagals movie characters are for the most part associated with being in law enforcement or the military. Such as:
Former Navy Seal (two times)
Former CIA Agent
CIA Covert
CIA Agent
Former Covert Agent
Interpol Agent
Former Special Forces Operative
Thief (two times)
Cop (four times)
Former Cop
Detective (two times)
Air Force Pilot
Environmental Agent (two times)
Vietnam Vet
DEA Agent
Military Dr.
Explosives Expert
FBI Agent
Freelance Agent
Mercenary (two times)
Task Force Leader
Former Russian Diplomat
Vigilante
Professor of Archeology (I can't beleive this one)
Vampire Slayer (HA! HA!)
3: Steven Seagal movie posters have common things. Such as:
Seagals Face
Pistols
Shotguns
Automaic Rifles
Samuri Swords
Explosions
Military Aircraft
And.......The Three Words Or Less Movie Title
4: Steven Seagal always has at least one or two and sometimes three hand to hand fight scenes in every movie he's in.
5: Many of the people that are associated with Steven Seagals characters die.
6: Movie titles have a dark or sinister occuring theme words. Such as:
Dead
Deadly (two times)
Die
Death
Dark (four times)
Shadow
Black
Kill (four times)
Seige (two times)
Man (three times)
Fire
Wounds
Beast
Mercenary
Attack
Fury
Whipped
Warfare
Lethal
Wars
Here's some irony on the title words. Taking the most used words in each title I've come up with a movie title that covers all Steven Seagals movies. ( Dark Man's Deadly Kill Seige). I think that covers all his movies in a nutshell.
Anyone can make a Seagal movie all you need to do is make a movie poster to start with. Make sure the poster has his face on it with him holding a pistol. Have an explosion in the background and place a number of military aircraft in it. Have the plot kill off anyone that knows him. Have him track down the opposing force, killing everyone in his path and destroying anything that doesn't have any redeeming value. Have at least one fight scene where he beats the crap out of some low life. And at the end of the movie have him walk away like it was just a normal day at the office.
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