What's It Mean To You?

 Of all the holiday's we go through every year, this last Monday in May is probably my favorite. Many people like to use it as a way to get away from work, go to the lake, watch a few ballgames or just sit back and relax. These are all good ways to think about Memorial Day and the beginning of summer but that's not what I think about when the last Monday in May rolls around on the calendar. It's become an annual ritual for me to chauffeur someone in Barnsdall's, Bigheart parade. This year I was graced with this years parade Marshall, Bob Henson. For me, it's always a thrill to get a veteran in my convertible and drive them through the streets as they give a big wave to the crowd as we pass by. Before our trek through Barnsdall began I got to chat with Bob for a bit. Always with an open ear to any historical facts from those that have lived it. I asked Bob some questions about his background. He was eager to reply with an answer and even throw in a few ad libs to make things more intriguing. He spoke of his early days in Barnsdall and about his graduating class. When asked about his military service he told me that he was 17 at the time he joined the Navy and served as a deck gunner on the USS Saratoga during WW II.

USS Saratoga , CV-3

  He recalled some of the times the Destroyers ( tin cans, he would call them) would scramble to protect the carrier from any torpedos. Bob would go on to say that when there was a threat, the tin cans would slide between the carrier and the enemy to take any torpedo that was meant for the carrier. He summed up our small chat with one last quip saying, we were a bunch of fellas out doing what we had to do, otherwise we would be speaking a different language.  I followed with "how right you are Bob". And with that said, we settled into the car and began our way into parade history. Over the many years of parades I've driven in and the many different people I've had the pleasure to meet, I always hold the veterans  close to my heart. The men and women of the armed forces know what Memorial Day is all about. They've seen the sacrifice first hand and when those veterans that are  willing to give you some insight on what they have witnessed and endured open up and speak. Listen up, for there will come a day when those veterans will pass away and with them the history of our nation and forefathers will be as a faded photo that we longingly want to understand. So what does Memorial Day mean to me? Drive by a cemetery and look at the flags placed beside every deceased veteran. They sacrificed all they had so their loved ones and all Americans could live in a free society. There is a price to pay, every day, to live the American way. Thanks Bob, and to all the veterans that have served. I appreciate your service. That's what Memorial Day means to me.

Those Annoying Celebrities Pt.2

Time for the most annoying female celebrities(of my choosing) for 2012.


Honorable Mention:   Sarah Palin

Okay, Sarah is like a shiny new penny. Nice to look at but not worth much when it comes down to helping the Republican party get in the White House. I used to think she had promise till I watched an interview where she couldn't name any newspapers she had read on the campaign trail in 2008. Back to being a flutist Miss Wasilla. Too bad you didn't play the harmonica, you could suck and blow in one breath. For being a thorn in the Republicans side, I'll give you honorable mention.










10:  Lindsay Lohan

Why is it that some of Disney's finest grow up to be rehab specialists and courtroom drama  icons? With a career in breaking her probation, she has had time to pose in a Playboy photo shoot for this past January's edition of the magazine as a reincarnated Marilyn Monroe. I've seen the results and I must say, I wasn't impressed. In fact I felt it was a slap in the face to Monroe fans. Lindsay comes in number 10 on my list for trying to be something she's not. Please go hang out at the nearest club where you belong.



9:  Joan Rivers

The Don Rickels of female stand up comedy. Only thing is, Don never had numerous plastic surgeries. Whatever happened to growing old with grace? Joan can't live in cold climates. If she did her face would freeze due to all the plastic. She will look good for thousands of years after her death. The decomposition rate for plastic lasts forever. Joan rates a nine cause I believe she isn't a ten. (LOL.....slight humor)





8:   Kristen Glover

Kristen doesn't know the meaning of the words poor, hungry or without. Spokeswoman for Jim Glover Chevrolet in Tulsa. She was raised with more than a silver spoon in her mouth. You might say she has had a silver horse bit in her mouth since birth. Her family deals in show horses. Her family recently was trying to sell one of their homes for 6 million dollars to move to their ranch north of Tulsa. I can't stand her posing for the camera on every Chevy commercial she does. She gave up vet school because her dad wanted her in the family business. It's enough to say....Dad'll do it!




7:   Stefani Germanotta  ( Lady GaGa)

I might be more apt to like this person if she would drop the outrageous fashions she wears everywhere. What good is a meat dress after wearing it to an awards show or a plastic bubble dress to sing in? She's just an updated wanna-be Madonna. The girl can sing, she just looks like crap all the time. Leave it to the rock band Queen where her "Lady GaGa " name derives from, in  their song "Radio GaGa". For being an eyesore for her fashion sense she rates number seven on my list.





6:   Mary Murphy

Mary is annoying to me because of her loud, raucous laugh and her constant BBQ and corn cob eating toothy grin, smile, or whatever you call it. Mary is a judge on Fox's So You Think You Can Dance program. I've never seen anyone get so excited over someone doing the waltz or jitterbug in my life. She reminds me of an audacious Marie Osmond.






5:   Nancy Grace

Nancy has an uncanny ability to size you up as either a rapist, murderer, bail jumper or low life male figure. Since this is what one of her programs (Swift Justice) was based on. She constantly spilled her opinions about those that appeared on her show. If you were a male appearing before her as a defendant in her (supposed) courtroom and her make believe, I'm a judge attitude, you were in hot water from the start. Her pretentious attitude has given her the number five spot on my list. You have been found guilty Nancy...go do your time someplace else.




4:   Paris Hilton

Would someone please feed this anorexic d'ebutant some mustard and relish hot dogs. It must be hard for that tiny body to carry around such a huge head. It has to be a drag to be a socialite when all you can do is spend your families millions. There is a new word for what Paris is. It's called a "celebutante". It's a person that has gained fame by having no talent but only wealth. About the only thing I know that Paris has done is shine some knobs for some guys.





3:   Rosie O'Donnell

Rosie has a voice and manners of a crotchety old man that is set in his ways. The only good thing I like about her is that she got mad at Oprah for canceling her new program on the OWN channel.








2:  Kim Kardashian

The only thing Kim has done is to live in the shadow of her fathers name. Robert Kardashian was a good friend to O.J. Simpson and represented him in his murder trial which made Robert Kardashian millions more than what he already had for representing high class individuals in court. After Robert's death, inheritance went to the family and another celebutante was born. It only goes to show that with good looks and your daddy's money you can do most anything. Or so, that's what Paris would say.




1:   Oprah Winfrey

Anyone that knows me will tell you my opinion of Oprah. I don't agree with anything she puts out. It's show time when the cameras are on but she is too impostorous for me to ever like her. Her self help seminars and do good for others attitude make me want to toss my cookies. She wants to Oprah-ize her viewers into her own thinking so everyone will follow her like cattle to the slaughter house. With her new network OWN teetering on cancelation, I look for the day that she will get to lay down in her own mire and squeal like an overpaid talkshow  host. ( I was going to say "pig" but I thought it may have been too crass). Bye Oprah... see you next year at the annoying celebrities list.

Those Annoying Celebrities. Pt.1

In years past when I would write stories, I would post an annual annoying celebrities list around Memorial Day. It's been a few years since my last list so I've compiled another roster of who and why they made my list. Usually I start with the females but this time around I want to start with the most annoying male celebrities that make me cringe. The rule is simple on how this works. The person listed must be in the media of some form, from being local to known world wide. There are usually 10 names on the list with an honorable mention It's rather basic, so here is my roll of vexatious varmints for 2012.

Honorable Mention:   Mitt Romney

I'm probably pointing a finger at the future President of the United States but I can't get a grip on this guy. As much as I want to like him, there seems to be something about him I can't place my finger on. Maybe it's his middle name, Mitt? I don't know why he doesn't use his first name, which is Willard, to promote himself?  Maybe it's because most people my age hear of the name Willard and think of the 1971 movie Willard where the main character has an affinity for rats. What kind of person names their child Mitt? I've never heard it before. Maybe his parents had an affection for baseball gloves or winter mittens? I don't know...till i can figure him out he's made honorable mention on my list.

10:   Donald Trump

Let's face it. With all the money this guy has he could afford a better hair style. Though many people think his hair is a comb over he bared all in an interview with Rolling Stone magazine saying he washes his hair with Head and Shoulders and lets it air dry for about an hour. Then combs it. Donald even went as far as to pull the lead of his flying wing back to show his hairline. He never said anything about the crown of his head. It could be he's bald in the back instead of the front. Still looks like a comb over to me. Donald gets the number 10 spot for not spending any money for a stylist. You're fired Donald.

9:  Jean Claude Van Damme

I like action movies but I can't understand why he is so well received as an actor. I have trouble with listening to his verbal ability. It's almost as bad as Arnold Schwarzenegger's pronunciation of the word California. Unlike Arnold, Jean Claude is not funny. He seems to be on the edge of being too serious in all his acting parts. Lighten up some Jean Claude and find some humor in some of the movies you get later on. Find an action script that has one memorable line in it like all of Arnold movies have had. Such as, "You're luggage", used in the movie Eraser. For being a mediocre actor with bad scripts you get my number 9 spot.

8:   Andy Dick

I don't find his type of stand up comedy funny. He's rude, crude, lewd and socially unacceptable. What does a guy have to do to get in the papers? How about numerous drug offenses, drunken fits of rage, lewd public actions and assaults. Andy gets my number 8 spot for just being himself.






7:   Pauly Shore

His comedies aren't humorous to me. maybe if he could get a serious part in a movie it might change my mind on him. Maybe his fault comes from the stuff he is given by his agent. His crass ability to not hit my funny bone while trying to imitate a true comedic actor puts him on my list.






6:   Steven Seagal

Bad actor. He needs to take some lessons from Bruce Willis. Even his reality series as a reserve deputy chief in Louisiana makes him look as if he's acting for the cameras. Break out the frying pan and throw this ham to the flames. Lighten up Steven, there is more to life than Ninjas and nunchakus.






5:   Mel Gibson

Mel has a serious problem. Some of it has been caught on camera and recordings. His psycho ramblings has placed him on my list of annoying celebrities. Anyone that can't control their anger and still have a place in the public eye needs to have some counseling. Some of his acting roles may not have been acting after all. Such as in the Lethal Weapon series where he plays a psychotic cop. Mel may be more like "Mad Mel" than "Mad Max".




4:  Tom Cruise

What does Scientology do to people? I guess it makes them jump around on couches in the view of millions of people. I kind of lost it for Tom's acting after the mid 1990's. I still like his 1983 movie "Risky Business" but some of his later films have been strange, weird and somewhat odd. His newest movie about him being a rock star just doesn't do it for me. He' sings Def Leppards' "Pour some sugar on me". Personally, I'm not a fan of Tom's singing but his Mission Impossible series does bring back some of his skills. Overall he's just become eccentric to me after his merge into the Scientology sect.



3:  Russel Hantz

Self proclaimed "Best" ever Survivor player of all time. If that's the  case, why didn't he ever win in his three attempts at the reality game show? Russell is a manipulator, trying to get others to do his dirty work while looking innocent. It's the same in his new television program called "Flipped Off'. He whines and belly aches most of the time over money and gets  others to do his work while he reaps the benefits, while mentioning every 10 minutes or so about his Survivor skills. It's time to go back to the oil field Russell or at least send someone there to do your work.


2:   Russel Brand

An English import comedian that needs to go back to England. This guy just annoys me with anything he says or does. I can't find a place for him except in the top ten annoying list. he's like screeching fingernails on a chalk board to me. I just need an eraser to get rid of him.






1: Justin Bieber

Can't sing, can't act but gets high praise and lots of media attention on how great he is. I guess he is to most  teen girls that know  no sense of real talent and are only looking for some eye candy and dreams of being Mrs. Bieber. It just goes to show, anyone can get famous on You Tube. Justin can be fun if you are lucky enough to be one of his picked friends.


                                                           
Here I am picking him!

This is my list of top annoying celebrities for 2012. I know not everyone will agree with my choices but it's my opinion and others may have a different view on the ones I've selected. if you think there are others that need to be added, just write them in as an elective to see if they make the grade as an annoying celebrity.

You Can Get It Cheap

This is the time of year when many people clean out their rat holes and place their lost but newly found possessions for sale. It's seems to be a ritual of springtime, now thrifty shoppers can find that one of a kind golf ball polisher or egg spoon for a nifty low price. It's like legal stealing for those who frequent this pastime of pilfering. Now with this understood, what do all those signs of sale really mean taken in the literal sense? Let's take a look at some of these sale signs.

GARAGE SALE: Is it a single or two car garage? Is it attached to the home or separate? Do I get the remote as a throw gift if I buy the garage?
YARD SALE: Consider the grass. If it's well kept and weedless...sure, go ahead and lay down some cash. The owner might even slide you a bird bath  or some of those solar walkway lights if you slip in an extra $10.
CLEARANCE SALE: How can you buy open space between two points? If there's nothing to buy but air...you've been cheated if you buy into this one.
HOLIDAY SALE: Own your own holiday? It may be hard to make the choice. Some holidays cost you more than others. Why buy a holiday when all the other days of the year are free, unless you want to buy them too.
SIDEWALK SALE: Buy this one only if you don't have  one of those concrete runways in front of your home. For a nice price you can get this, install it and have the neighbor kids use it as their own personal raceway with all of their wheeled vehicles.
PATIO SALE: This one is rare, but given the chance check into it. There is a chance of the owners cooking out. There may be a free meal with this sale. (Toss me a couple of those tiki torches please).
ESTATE SALE: There aren't any states that begin with the letter E, so how can anyone sale an E state? You might have a better chance at buying an O or U state. I hear they sell out every football season.
SPRING SALE: I don't need any springs for anything I own. I had a 72' Bronco once that had front end springs and I sold those springs along with the vehicle
BAKE SALE: Here is one that's heated. it's also something that happens to you when you been trying to talk someone's top price down and they don't budge so you become  hot enough to bake in your own sweltering anger.

These are only a few of the sales that come to mind but there is always one out there that will top them all.

Enough said!

Morning Missiles

They come in all sizes, shapes and colors. The morning missiles. They are the commuters bane of every day traffic. You can't avoid them and the only way not to run into them is to have cold weather begin.

For me, it usually begins during the ritual of washing my windshield the evening before my next trip through the   gauntlet of attacking arthropods. I've found the best cleaning method for my visually impairing windscreen is some Windex and newspaper. My wife told me about using newspaper to clean off those stubborn spots of special insect sauce.  It gives my truck glass a subtle invisibility but still keeps me safe from the bombarding hoards of insects that want to greet me on a daily basis. With my windshield clean and ready to go, all I have to do is wait for morning to come.

What will the morning drive hold for me as I make my way down the road, waiting for that initial impact to start the day? Driving a few miles, I notice the windshield is still clean and the insect population has diminished but that is only for the time being. Then, without notice, the first of many kamikaze strikes hit. A June bug has hit the passenger side of the windshield with the force of a small rock being thrown at you. I think to myself...that's fine, I can still see through this side of the glass. I then enter enemy territory by taking the county road through the country side. It's here where the most dedicated of the winged creatures lay in wait for their number to be called. As I drive deeper into the foreboding woodland, they become more distinct, my headlights illuminate the foreground, I see the erratic behavior of the flying lot. All of them wanting a piece of my glass. As I knew it would, it begins. In the distance I see them, huddling together like football players before the first play of the game. They break and send themselves out in erratic flight. I watch as some of them dive and turn, making aim for their final destination. Others make the beeline straight to me. it's all for one cause...to mess up my windshield. With my headlights drawing them closer I can almost hear them as they say to one another, go into the light. You can't dodge them or second guess which way they my come at you. Some just appear and some you can watch as they come at you from a distance, all of them wanting to create some modern art masterpiece on your front glass. As I reach my stop for the morning, I scan the windshield, looking over what's been left behind by the bombardment of bodies and I think to myself...insecticide, what a way to go!