Friday, April 24, 2015

Absolution: A movie review

I like action movies as long as they have a good plot and decent acting. Tonight I reviewed a movie that I knew was going to be a copy of all the movies this actor has made. Steven Seagal in his latest movie called Absolution. A story about a covert government agency that has their own private contract killer to rid the world  of unsavory characters. As like all Seagal movies this one is no different. Breaking out the kill counter, I sat through the 90 minutes or so run of typical Seagalisms.
 As in the past, I've written about Steven and his redundant movie plots. To amuse myself before the movie began, I made a pre-movie check  list to see if all my predictions would come true. First I wrote down all the main characters names and placed a a "K" and "F" by their name for kill or fight.
I added all minor characters, such as good guys or bad guys and their worth to the movie. Explosions, firearms and vehicles were also in the mix. I was now ready to start watching the movie. Here is what I observed:

John, Main Character (Seagal)- Kills: 17  Fights: 6  Weapons: 3 pistols, 1 shotgun, 1 knife
Chi, Main Character ( Johns Cohort) - Kills: 9  Fights: 9  Weapons: 1 pistol, 1 knife
Van Horn, Minor Character (Bad Guy) -  Kills: 1  Fights: 1 Weapons: 1 pistol, 1 knife, 1 pipe
Sergei, Minor Character  (Johns Friend) - Died of unknown causes
Nadia, Minor Character  ( Girl on the run) - Kills: 1  Weapons: 1 pistol
Woman in hospital bed  (Johns wife?) -Presumed died in hospital of some disease (only seen in Johns daydreams.
Non Essential Goons: Killed: 25

Vehicles: Trucks, SUV's, cars. All black
Explosions: 1 Building, 1 SUV

As the typical Seagal movie goes. he's a quiet guy that has his friends or loved ones die. He retaliates and kills everyone in sight to achieve his goal of not being the bad guy even though he is a bad guy (contract killer) in the movie. The only noticable thing different in this movie is that there were no military aircraft. And in all movies Seagal has made there is at least one walk away from all the chaos that he's left behind. If you like Seagal movies, by all means please watch this one. It shows an out of shape Seagal wearing an overcoat most of the time to hide his girth, plus he doesn't move like a graceful ballerina  in his fight scenes. He rarely removes his fancy shades and in all his military style invasive moves to gain the upper hand on the bad guys you can see the training he has received as a real life  Sheriff in Louisiana. It's like watching an episode of Cops. By the way, never emerge from an elevator or jump out from behind a wall or doorway. Seagal will shoot you in the head. The guy never misses. Oh....I shouldn't forget that he gets the girl in the end. Imagine that! Unbeleivable. If you do watch the movie wait for the part where he goes out to buy clothes for this run away woman. Without knowing her size or what she would like to wear, he brings back two bags of clothes and the next time the woman appears she's wear a nice ensemble of tight leather pants and form fitting shirt, all black.....of course! Steven knows about womans leather clothes. LOL

Overall, I'll give this movie a 2 out of 5 stars. And a 2 is pushing it!